RSD Family on Magazine Cover Leads Special Families Article Inside 09/01/09

Genesee Valley Parent
www.GVParent.com
September 2009

Special Families
Parents of Children with Special Needs
Share There Advice, Experiences & Wisdom

by Jillian Melnyk

The Doughty Family: Sisters Paige and Emma and their parents Theresa and Mike

“You never really know how much you can handle until you’re doing it,” says Mike Doughty, whose two daughters, Emma (7 and a half years old) and Paige (3 and a half years old) have both been diagnosed as profoundly deaf. He says the experience of having children with special needs has opened his eyes. “Sometimes I will stop and look back and think, ''Wow that was really hard''. But, it's just different."

"And that different is ok," adds his wife, Theresa.

Mike and Theresa learned that their first daughter, Emma, was deaf when she was slightly more than a year old. They were surprised, they recall, since there was no documented history of hearing problems in their family and Emma passed her newborn screenings and was progressing at a normal pace. Upon hearing of Emma's diagnosis, the Doughtys contacted Early Intervention and then chose to learn ASL (American Sign Language). “We decided early on that it was important for us to communicate with our children, which sounds silly when you say it out loud,” says Mike. “We just knew we needed to learn it.” Mike and Theresa enrolled in classes at the Rochester School for the Deaf, which is now where Emma and Paige attend school. This fall will also mark Theresa’s second year as President of RSD’s Parent Staff Association (an organization similar to the PTA).

The Doughtys say that having deaf role models for their children is important and that they are blessed to be living in Rochester. “We go to Marketplace Mall and our kids see people like them,” says Theresa. “We visit NTID (National Technical Institute for the Deaf) and they see college kids just like them.”

“Emma is very proud of who she is and is proud that she is deaf and that her sister is deaf,” says Mike. Theresa adds that when Emma sees another deaf person she wants to go and say hi. “She wants to tell them ‘I'm deaf, too!’” Their children also see their share of deaf role models at school. “It's a good thing for our kids to see deaf adults in leadership positions, doing things that everybody else does,” says Theresa, who adds that the programs through RSD allow her daughters to have access to other deaf kids and deaf adults. “Emma gets to talk to Dr. Mowl like they''re friends,” she says, referring to RSD''s Superintendent Dr. Harold Mowl, Jr.

Both Theresa and Mike work in the education system and say that their experiences with their daughters have helped them in the workplace. “I feel like it''s easier for me to understand what families with kids with disabilities are going through and to see things from their perspective,” says Mike. “Everybody''s situation is different, but if you''ve had the experience of coming to terms with your child not being like everybody else then it helps you empathize.”

In many ways the Doughty family is just like any other. “I thought I knew a whole lot about parenting and then I had kids and I realized I knew absolutely nothing about parenting,” says Theresa - her sentiment is one that many parents can relate to. “Having my daughters has made me realize how hard it is to be a parent, and have a kid with different needs.” Mike and Theresa say that having gone through the experience once (with Emma) made it easier the second time. “When we found out our second daughter, Paige, was deaf, we were relieved,” says Mike. While the Doughtys had hoped for a healthy baby, they also were hoping for a deaf baby, something that would unite their children together. “We just wanted them to be the same,” adds Theresa.

Of course there have been challenges and hard work, but in the end Mike says that all parents have their share of challenges to deal with and that their challenges are just different. “This isn''t what I imagined being a parent to be like, but it''s great,” says Mike. “I wouldn''t want it any other way.”

“And we don''t know any other way,” adds Theresa.

“This is just how it is for us. Lots of our friends are like, ‘Wow, I don''t know how you do it.’ I tell them, ‘You do it because you have to and you do the best you can.’”